I've been going through hell with a smile. I've been tired, sick, and in and out of doctors' offices, and none of them knew what was actually wrong with me. Despite all this, I kept talking to my friends, went out with them, listened to their problems, went to college and work, and did everything I was told, on my own, without asking for help. Went through a somewhat public breakup from an emotionally abusive relationship. During that process, I was outed twice, threatened, dragged and talked about (which is still happening), and gaslighted over and over again. No one heard me complaining a word about it even though I was hurting, and still suffering the consequences of my wrong choices, still hating me whole, body, mind, and soul, still questioning my own feelings, and everything I went through replayed in my mind every moment, filled with guilt, shame, and everything in between.
I did everything right so why do I still feel this wrong? no one noticed a thing, I was performing all the time But who the fuck was I performing for?
