I wish so much that I’d never taken the Ketamine, at least without medical supervision. Without that, I am sure I could have resolved the challenges around alcohol, ambition and being too self-centred. I am sure those fixes are not easy, but they feel easy given my current problem. Ketamine, and the consequent psychosis, converted me from someone who has learned to live with depression on-the-whole pretty successfully to someone who is dead. I was happy, very happy, less than two years ago. We had so many plans, a year of trips already booked, and I had so many hopes for our future in my mind. I used to say, “We can do anything we want” and I really believed it. Whatever challenges life might have presented us with, we would have been strong enough to learn from my mistakes and keep going, I imagine for 40+ more happy years. I’m sure many of you reading this are facing immense challenges, traumas, loss and other difficulties, and you are staying strong and moving forward.. Without the ketamine, I think I could have been just like you.
I recovered from psychotic behaviour quite quickly. But I was never going to be able to recover from what it did to my mind thereafter.
Please if you have any voice, try to warn the public that drugs like Ketamine, which have important applications in treating mental illness, can have a notable side effect if used the wrong way -- to end a promising life and destroy multiple families, pretty much overnight. And it is a very slow and painful death.