The side I never show because I want to look strong in front of you.

Rant.

Last Chapter; ❛❛Dating in Brooklyn❜❜

I start to dating her. Finally, all the fantasies that I built and created in the midst of my dark days, came true. And now, in Brooklyn, he and I are walking down the street, in the middle of a crowd of people in the park. Queue up to buy ice cream. After the ice cream was served, we finally sat on a park bench, telling about each other's lives. We laughed at my story —I told about a child who fell and then cried— her smile is very beautiful, more beautiful than the flowers that are deliberately planted around the garden to add beauty. I This is the end, after all the struggles, despair, depression I have passed, and the result is, I feel a beautiful love story with the person I want.

❛❛God is My Savior❜❜

I'm getting crazier, all I can think of is you to be mine, I really wish it would come true. My hallucinations are getting worse, no doubt every day I imagine yourself from morning to morning again. Daydreaming every day about you and me enjoying the day together. Take a walk together hand in hand, around the park and buy ice cream. Sitting on a park bench, watching people pass by, telling me about everything I've experienced, laughing together after hearing my jokes. What a beautiful fantasy.After so many days, somehow I began to wake up. It seems that God has been very concerned about my dark life. When my condition slowly improved, I started traveling the world again. Until finally I met you again. And you say that you love me. Oh God, did you shoot love bullets at the person I really like. Oh it's a love shot.

❛❛Depression❜❜

It's been a week since you rejected me. My life is still as devastated as it was a week ago. I hope when I'm bowing my head, you suddenly come to my house, knock on the door, hugged me, and said you love me. I started seeing your reflection in the corner of my wall, you came up to me, asked me to eat while watching Netflix. O! I started to fantasize and hallucinate. I began to feel signs that I would soon go mad and be sent to a mental hospital. But I like this, I can see you, as mine, so beautiful it turns out, if this wasn't just a fantasy, if this was a reality.

❛❛Desperate❜❜


The day you rejected my love is where I started to feel hopeless. Desperate. After all this time I spent pursuing your love, you decided to reject it outright, making me feel disappointed and unfair. The way you cut me down, the way you being so rude to me. Trying to find new fun, but I can not find. Trying to heal my heart, but I can't be strong when it's come to you. I decided to stop trying. I have finally given myself to darkness and solitude without you. I dive deep into the ocean of despair. Dive into the ocean of darkness. Dive into the ocean of solitude. Diving and sinking with feelings of disappointment and unwillingness.